Gratitude
November 25, 2007
Gratitude
by Linda Lawless
Gratitude is more or less important to you depending on your value system. The emerging field of positive psychology has identified Gratitude as one of its core values that helps people live fulfilling lives. You can assess your core values and even take a Gratitude self-assessment for FREE (click here).
The bottom line is that we are in the season of gratitude with Thanksgiving and the Holidays upon us, and knowing how to appreciate yourself and others is a key issue for the season.
Here’s an important tip regarding the expression of gratitude. One of the exercises Marty Seligman, author of Authentic Happiness, has students do is to write a Gratitude Letter. This letter thanks someone in your past or present for something they gave you. What he found was that when students wrote their letters they felt good about themselves and the letters recipient. Where they got into trouble was when they delivered the letter. Sometimes the letter was accepted graciously, but sometimes the recipient was confused and in some cases belligerent about being thanked for something they were not even aware of, i.e., being thanked for teaching their child resilience through frequent verbal abuse. So, when you get in touch with what you are grateful about yourself, sit with it and take in what you can. When you want to express gratitude to others, pause and ask yourself if they are ready to hear it.
During this season I recommend exploring your own value of gratitude by visiting the website above, and more simply, telling people you run into during your life, when you honestly appreciate what they have, or are doing that you appreciate them. I told my personal trainer how much I appreciated his ability to work around my aging bodies weekly needs and stopped him dead in his tracks while he dealt with being told something good for a change. I told the lady at the checkout stand in the market that I appreciated her daily good cheer and brought a tear to her eye.
On a larger scale, the Greater Good Magazine out of UC Berkeley, whose mission is devoted to the scientific understanding of happy and compassionate individuals, strong social bonds, and altruistic behavior, dedicated an article in their Summer 2007 edition to Gratitude. You can find it here.
Staying positive in Alaska
November 5, 2007
Today our sunrise was at 8:35 am and our sun-
set was at 4:49 pm. 8 hours and 15 minutes of
daylight. Everyday between now and 12/21
we lose more than 5 minutes of daylight.
After the 12/21 we savor the idea that we are
getting more daylight each day until June 21st
when we only have a few hours of colorful
twilight and total darkness.
This time of year most people go to work in
the dark and come home in the dark.
The positive side of our darkness is that here
in southern Alaska we have long and
colorful sunrises and sunsets and the
light of the white snow.
We also have Northern Lights and as one
travels north ( and lose more daylight)
they become more vivid and prevalent.
While we Alaskans love our sunny
days and nights in the summer, our winters
challenge each of us. Winter teaches us
new things about what keeps us going
as we figure out how to make it through
another dark, cold day. For me it is a com-
bination of developing close friendships, broad-
ening my mind, enjoying my work, being physi-
cally active outdoors and being involved with
communities of people.
Anchorage is alive with opportunities to be
active in anything imaginable and things that
only Alaskans could dream up (snowshoe
softball, ice bowling). However, the biggest
obstacle can be getting out of bed or off the
couch on a dark, cold day.
On Saturday and Sunday whether it’s 20
degrees above zero or below zero, I head off
to cross country ski, down hill ski or walk.
If I really have it together it’s mid day when
what sun we have is the strongest and the day
is the warmest. I found that having really
warm and comfortable winter gear is critical.
In the darkest part of the year I
use a high intensity (SAD) light to
keep my energy and mood positive. I can tell
that my mind wants the light and my body
wants that warmth of a bright thing shining
on me.
Last year some medical professionals in
the community started testing people for
Vitamin D deficiency. They discovered that
most Alaskans could feel lots better if they
took D supplements. Our bodies get vitamin
D naturally from our skin being touched by
sunlight for a period of time on a daily basis.
It turns out that feeling positive here in
Alaska takes determination, initiative
and an astute medical professional.
Elayne Hunter
Gratitude
November 2, 2007
We are coming up on Thanksgiving, a perfect event to explore what I’m grateful for. I find I am easily able to feel gratitude about other people, events, pets etc., and forget to feel grateful about my-self. I’ll explain.
I was babysitting my 3-year old grandson yesterday and found myself near the end of the day, as we were both growing tired, feeling grumpy. He stepped on my old dog who flipped out and threw herself into her water dish, which spilled over the floor, and I yelled at him. Of course he looked at me with those innocent 3-year old eyes and burst into tears. I don’t like to yell, especially at innocent children, and spent the rest of the day telling myself what a “bad” grandma I was. It took me until 11pm, laying in bed, to remember to appreciate all the good things I do for Max and my daughter, and forgiving myself for a minor lapse in emotional regulation. So for about 6 hours I forgot to appreciate, my-self, and at least I finally remembered to. I know some folks NEVER remember to appreciate themselves but being “in the field,” and especially specializing in positive psychology I hold myself to a higher standard. I figure if I can’t do it, how can I expect others I’m working with to do it.
So, I’m letting Thanksgiving this year be a reminder to appreciate and feel gratitude to life, people, and that includes my-self.
What are you grateful for?
Linda
Staying Positive
November 2, 2007
Much to my surprise I saw a comic in the San Francisco Chronicle that actually was in the positive psychology realm. The first box was an event that was ucky, then the hero came in and “Reframed” the event to something positive. He called this his “Reframing Studio,” and invited everyone to come to it whenever they wanted. I have carried this image with me as I go about my daily business and step into negative situtations, i.e., standing in line at the bank while someone is yelling at the teller. I enter my “Reframing Studio,” with the negative event and shape it into something positive on my own time.
The bank was a challenge. OK, to the Reframing Studio.
As the man in line vented, a fellow teller quietly walked over and helped the harried one, gently and effectively. The angry man got his banking done and left, yea. Studio work - The angry man, who was able to dump some emotion, created a situation where someone could be helpful to another. I hope the teller under assault felt gratitude about the help. Hmmm, this masterpiece may need more work but at least it’s a start.
What I like about my Reframing Studio is it gives me a place to take situations that I find disturbing, not in a good way, work on them, leave them there to come back to, if needed. I can lock the door when I’m ready to leave the disturbing event and reframing work and go about my day more at peace.
Let me know what you think about this practice.
Linda